Walk Walk Halloween Baby
by Omnicat
Summary: AVENGERS ACADEMY, Loki, Natasha, Bucky, Satana, and a whole bunch of name-drops / Loki plays fashion police at the Academy Halloween party, as you do.


**Title:** Walk Walk Halloween Baby

 **Author:** Omnicat

 **Spoilers & Desirable Foreknowledge:** Avengers Academy

 **Warnings:** None.

 **Characters & Relationships:** Loki & Natasha & Bucky & Satana & a bunch of others mentioned

 **Summary:** Loki plays fashion police at the Academy Halloween party, as you do. **/ 581 words**

 **Author's Note:** Written for Meatball42 in the 2018 Trick or Treat Exchange on AO3. Enjoy!

 **II-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-I-oOo-I-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-II**

 **Walk Walk Halloween Baby**

"Enchantress, as usual, has outdone everyone else in material extravagance while utterly missing the mark when it comes to class," Loki narrated to himself, his microphone floating at a strategically jaunty angle as he leaned on Club A's bar and sipped his cocktail. "Displaying more teamwork and humor than seemed possible for someone of his disposition, the Thor who is my brother has coordinated with the Thor who is not my sister to depict a pair of vaguely-incestuous long lost twins from a popular media property too disgustingly _mainstream_ to name here. The Thor who is neither of the aforementioned, meanwhile, seems to have swapped wardrobes with Peggy Carter, at which point they both called it a night. Really, people? Crossdressing was the best you could think of? Weak."

"Who's weak?" asked a voice coming up beside him.

Loki turned and hissed, flinching back in disgust. "Note to self: Black Widow and her _shirt_ shall be stricken from the record. Really, Natasha, again?"

She smirked and flagged the bartender-bot. "Yes, really, again."

"And what are _you_ supposed to be?" Loki asked, turning to her companion.

The metal-armed variant of Bucky Barnes shrugged. "A sexy superhero."

"Really?" With unconcealed derision, Loki let his eye wander up and down Barnes's outfit. "You'll need more than a fishnet shirt and a few extra rips in your jeans to qualify as 'sexy' in this crowd, you know."

"I'm wearing eyeliner," Barnes said with a perfectly straight face, and circled his eyes with a finger. "See?"

Loki actually needed a moment to lean in and squint. "No, I don't."

"Don't listen to Loki," Natasha said, handing Barnes one of the drinks she'd ordered. " _He's_ dressed like a buzzkill."

As they wandered off, Barnes replied, "I don't even remember what we were talking about."

A 'sick burn' sixty years ago, Loki was sure. Forgetting all about them in return, he went back to his drink and his commentary.

"Singularity is a Christmas tree. I would be impressed if looking too closely at those lights of hers weren't giving me vertigo. I'm not sure what Killmonger's shirtlessness is meant to depict. Another 'sexy superhero'? More like vampire bait. Those scars stand out like grains of rice, and Dracula is obviously losing the fight against the urge to count them. Ugh, who thought it was a good idea to let my parents play dress up? I can't even look at this."

Satana settled beside him at the bar. "Tough talk for someone dressed like an ice pack."

"Now that's just culturally insensitive." Loki gave her a scornful once over. He didn't even have to ask.

"Sexy superheroine."

"How? All you did was wear white."

"I'm wearing _my own costume_ in white." Satana cocked her hip, making the crease of her hipbones peeking out from the holes in the sides of her bodysuit all the more prominent. "Are you calling me not sexy?"

"I'm sure there are bellybutton lint enthusiasts out there somewhere," Loki said sweetly.

"And I'm sure I can kick your ass," she said. "Dance-off. Right here, right now."

"But of course. You didn't have to degrade yourself just for that, I'll dance battle anyone who asks."

And he knocked back the rest of his drink, vanished his microphone, and led the way.

He was beginning to think, though, that he should look into this 'sexy super' phenomenon for next year, if only so he could show everyone how it was _really_ done.


End file.
